Redskins Change Name to 84ers

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After recent pressure to change what many feel was a racist name, Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder has finally obliged.

“I know we were getting a lot of pressure from the media,” Mr. Snyder commented in the press conference. “But when I got the letter from Congress urging me to make the change, I felt like it was the right thing to do.”

The owner of Washington’s football team since 1999 admitted that at first he was totally against changing the name. “You know when you have a brand like the Redskins – a long tradition, Superbowl championships, hall-of-fame players, loyal fans, you just can’t change the name. It’s not as simple as that. We really had to think long and hard about this and do some soul searching.”

The team’s front office confirmed that the franchise officials had been debating this topic for some time. “Our challenge,” Snyder continued, “was to come up with a brand with which Washington and our Nation could really identify. It needed to be strong – something that spoke of our Nation’s Capital.”

The name? The Washington 1984ers.

1984ersWashington’s new name references George Orwell’s classic novel 1984 – a satire about an over-controlling, omnipresent, and dictatorial government that uses a variety of tactics, including surveillance, to brainwash and control its citizens. The rebranding comes right on the heels of ten members of Congress issuing a letter urging the team to change its name. In the letter, the congressmen, which included leaders of the Congressional Native American Congress, referred to the Redskins as the “R-word” and compared it to using other racial, derogatory slurs.

About the letter, Snyder said, “We felt that we should really honor Congress here and the government leaders that are taking our country to unprecedented heights. Since they were so convincing in their letter, we really felt like they should receive credit for the name change.”

Snyder admitted the name 1984ers sounded kind of odd at first, but since date names have been successful with teams like the Philadelphia 76ers and the San Francisco 49ers, he feels confident that the 84ers will become a staple.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, known for his “Don’t mess with Texas” mentality, applauded Snyder. “I think it’s a brilliant name,” he said. “Snyder really pegged the sentiment of most Americans with the new name. I’m going to miss the Cowboy and Indian reference when our teams compete, but this name really opens up a lot more doors for the team.

Sources inside the Cowboys office confirmed that Jerry Jones has invested $250,000 for signs that say “Losing is Victory” to be made when the Redskins come to town.

 

This is a parody and should not be taken seriously.

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